My heart is heavy

January 9, 2009 Suzie

I haven’t written on here for a while as things have been fairly busy seeing people etc as i don’t have much time before heading to uni. This week i had a blessed few days with my best friend in birmingham. She is such a beautiful lady that I am so thankful to God for. We were able to laugh, talk about everything under the sun and of course enjoy each others silence, a true sign of friendship I say. She is so wise and encouraging, just what I need in my life. Thank you Father.

However, since coming back my heart has been very heavy which has partly to do with the future, I am trying so hard to trust that God has the best plans for me but sometimes its hard to see. I so desperately want something to be laid on my heart like a friend of mine whose heart is full of a country that there is no doubt in my mind that that is where God wants her to be and I am so excited for her!! But it scares me. I am doing a degree that I feel God has called me to yet I have no clue for teh future. i know its far off but I’m scared. I don’t want to be. I want to be full of Gods promises for me that He has the best plans. He is so good, beyond all measure. Help me to believe that father!

I have been challenged on grace lately but right now I cant write much more so I will fill you in soon.

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Michelle  |  January 10, 2009 at 6:44 am

    Oh I definitely know how you feel!! It’s hard, isn’t it? Not knowing EXACTLY what He has planned? I will most definitely pray for you… for clear, precise direction and the peace that passes all understanding…. so that, once you know what He has, you’ll never doubt it or second-guess it.

    Oh, and are you referring to Gabi? She is amazing, isn’t she!! She soo inspires me.

    I’m glad you had a good time with your best friend. Yes, the ability to be comfortable in silence is a true sign of a best friend. Glad to have you back posting again :o)

    God bless you,
    Michelle
    http://handsfrozentothesword.com

  • 2. inrelentlesspursuitoftruth  |  January 10, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    I don’t know if I am the friend you are referring to. But I know what it’s like to be called to a country yet not knowing when He will take you there. In some ways, it’s far more difficult to know than to not know. I’m sure you don’t believe me, but having a nation in your heart is no easy thing to live with every single day. I cry often. I break often. I question and doubt and worry. I trust and relax. I have days where His promises seem bright and days when I wonder whether I will ever fulfil His purposes for my life. So while it may appear to look easier or better on the surface, it in fact isn’t at all. I wish we could sit down and discuss this over a cup of tea. Alas, just know that when He shows you where He will be taking you to, that His grace is sufficient and His love is unfailing. If He showed you your entire life from beginning to end you would be overwhelmed, because we don’t have grace for next month, let alone after you finish your degree 😉

    • 3. hedelightsinme  |  January 10, 2009 at 2:40 pm

      Oh goodness, I’m so sorry! I know that its no easy thing. I am so sorry if you thought thats what i meant! I am rubbish at sayign things but what i mean is that its an incredible and so clearly from Him if that makes any sense. Oh man, i’m just so sorry. I feel so silly. Please forgive me!

  • 4. Robin  |  January 10, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    I know how you feel. I wrote about that a little bit yesterday. I know the waiting is hard, He makes me wait too, it’s part of my surrender, but in the waiting He is there, He is teaching us, and it’s our job to stop kicking and listen and obey, even the silence. I will keep you in my prayers since it sounds like we are in the same boat. Blessings and hugs.

  • 5. inrelentlesspursuitoftruth  |  January 13, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Oh don’t be sorry at ALL. Sorry if I made you feel you had to apologise…I just wanted to say having a plan isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! 🙂


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